#20 - Good Conversation

For a few years I have preferred to sit back and listen to what was going on, rather than actually participate in conversations. I've noticed that changing lately. I've come to the realization that I can make, contribute to, and enjoy conversations with the best of them!

I started thinking about this earlier in the week after going out for dinner with my cousins. On my drive home from dinner it struck me that I'd been a bit of a chatterbox all night long - something that has been out-of-character. Then it struck me that there have been more and more of those types of situations lately. Striking up conversations in my art class. Sitting for hours with a friend and talking about life. Talking to my parents about what I've been up to during the day. Going out for lunch with new friends, and thoroughly enjoying myself! Looking forward to meeting new people at a conference I'm going to this weekend.

As a result of these conversational experiences I've started to wonder why I thought I was so terrible at talking to people.

I think it comes down to having operated in a second-language for so long.

When I was living in Norway I spent a huge amount of time observing, both in order to fine-tune my language, and in order to pick-up on nuances. Also, if I was tired it took a lot of energy just to follow a fast-paced conversation, let alone trying to jump-in with meaningful contributions before the discussion had moved on to something new. I'm realizing that so much of my social energy was being put into observation that there wasn't much left over for participation.

I consider myself to be fluent in Norwegian. Therefore the realization of how much effort I was using to be social surprises me. All I knew at the time was that I listened much more than I talked - to the point that people who knew me would comment on it. It seemed to be most obvious in group settings, although sometimes 1-on-1 if I had to stick only to Norwegian to express myself.

As a result of so much observation over the past few years, I think my enjoyment of a good discussion has grown considerably. I think it's helped me be a better listener, but also a better contributor. And I think that's kind of cool!