#9 - The detail of others' lives

My friend Ang married her husband Kon for the 2nd and 3rd time this weekend. She's Canadian, he's American (Greek-American to be precise). They got married the first time a few months ago with a justice of the peace, they got married Saturday at noon in the Greek Orthodox church, and they got married Saturday at 6pm in a ceremony for family and friends.

Talk about committment! Third time's a charm.

I've known Ang since kindergarden, but we didn't become friends until grade 9 when we were in enrichment together (nerds!). Ang's mum passed away when we were in highschool. The night she died Ang was the one who was keeping her company, and as she kept her mum company Ang wrote her mum a poem. The poem was eventually read at the funeral, and I had the honour of hearing it again this weekend at the wedding during her Dad's speech.

The poem starts through her mum's eyes. She speaks about how difficult it is to know she will be leaving her daughter and sons behind, talks about love, and says that maybe there is a purpose to be found in her illness; that they will be stronger, more loving, and more caring people having gone through such great loss. The end of the poem is told through Ang's eyes telling her mum what she will miss the most, and saying that she hopes that she will gain strength from having gone through the loss. At the end of the poem she gives her mum permission to leave.

Hearing the poem at the wedding was so different from hearing it at the funeral 12 years ago. This time was an occasion of celebration, not sorrow, and most people at the wedding never had the opportunity to know Ang's mum. Ang's dad's decision to share the poem allowed a number of things to happen: It acknowledged Jean's absence. It allowed us to see, and learn from, a family's grief. And most importantly, it allowed everyone present, all of whom are important to Ang and Kon, to know and understand them better.

Sharing the poem Ang wrote to her mum invited people to clearly see the detail of another person's life. Sharing like that is rare, but precious, and it was an honour to be part of it this weekend.